A Conduit of Comfort

by Matthew Gardner

In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God explains to us, Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. God gives comfort when we go through a trial, and He wants us to pass it along to the next person going through the same trial. I have found this to be the case with me!

In December of 2025, my wife of seven years died in a car accident on the mission field. I have been asked to write some reflections and lessons that God has showed me along the way as I walked through this tragedy. I hope these practical tips and spiritual truths will be a help and a blessing to you. God has given me much comfort, and I now want to pass that along to you. Whether you are going through something or you know someone who is, I trust this will help you.

I would like to share a couple of practical tips for those of you who have a family member or friend who has just lost a loved one. First, even if you do not know what to say, saying something is always appreciated! When my wife died, several people reached out and told me something like this: “I do not know what to say, but I wanted you to hear from me. I am praying for you!” It was SO comforting to me that in my hour of need, people cared enough that even though they did not know the perfect thing to say, they still loved me enough to reach out. Reach out to that person in your life who needs you! Even if you do not have the right words to say, that does not matter. Their seeing you care is going to mean the world to them.

Second, well-meaning people say a phrase that is common in many situations, but in the death of a loved one, it is just not helpful. I never thought about this until I was the one in the situation of losing my wife, and then people started saying it to me. The statement is “Hey, brother, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” The intent behind this statement is love, but to someone who has just lost a loved one, it is one more item on an already insurmountable to-do list. Planning all the details of the funeral, mapping out all of the financial changes that take place when death comes into your family, finding the money for the funeral and subsequent burial, planning for daily food, and planning what to do with all the belongings of the loved one—and the list goes on and on and on. In the moment, one is simply trying to survive all the things that “have to be done” that day. Now imagine adding to that list “tell my friend when I need something.” Most people who have lost a loved one would never explain this because they do not want to hurt their friend, but I want to help you with this since I now have perspective from both sides of the situation. If you want to be a blessing, do not ask if there is anything you can help them with. Simply tell them what you want to help them with. “Hey, brother, I want to bring you a meal. What day this week would be the biggest blessing for you not to have to cook?” Or, “I know it has been hard not having anyone to talk to. I want to take you bowling with our Sunday School friends. What weekend this month do you have open?” I think you get the picture. Instead of stressing a friend even more than they are, find a need they have and help them with that in a way that is not pushy. It will mean the world to them as they deal with the situation that has entered their life.

I would like to end this article by passing along some spiritual truths God has given me through the loss of my dear wife. The practical tips were for people who have family or friends who have lost someone, but this section is for the person who suffered the loss. First, getting counsel from your pastor will help you tremendously! The tendency of some after losing a close family member is to stay away from church to avoid having to talk about the loss, but the best place to be is in the Lord’s House! My pastor gave me some resources to read that helped me greatly with the passing of my wife. One pamphlet went over a biblical view of death. In the Bible, death for a believer is almost exclusively talked about in a positive light. Jesus talked about death as “going home.” Paul talked about death as gain (Philippians 1:21). God the Father talked about death as precious in His sight (Psalm 116:15). The point of the pamphlet is that many times after losing a spouse, we mourn for them, but we really should not! They got an upgrade—going to Heaven. They are now with the Savior they loved so dearly. They are now free from pain and suffering. We can mourn for ourselves because we miss them, but we should not mourn for them because they are better than they have ever been during their entire life here on earth! Reading this truth helped me as I processed the trauma from the accident and the sudden loss of my wife. I cannot imagine where I would be now if I had made the bad decision of not talking to my pastor. Please go to church and talk with your pastor! He loves you and will have things that will help you as you face your tragedy.

Second, God has a plan in everything that has happened. When you look at Joseph’s life, he faced several tragedies, but God worked through each one. God is so powerful that He can make any negative situation have a positive outcome! All we have to do to see this is to look to the Cross. This was the biggest site of injustice ever to occur on the earth, and this was the place where Satan finally saw the death of Jesus and the end of His earthly ministry (or so he thought). BUT, God turned this place of absolute tragedy into the place where the salvation of humanity was accomplished! God turned what Satan thought was his biggest victory into his biggest defeat! The serpent bruised His heel, but He crushed the serpent’s head! Imagine what God might do with your tragedy! Never lose hope; never listen to the devil’s lies; and never think that your situation is too impossible for God to work. And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible (Mark 10:27).

Please pray for Matthew and his family as they seek to go forward in God’s will.

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